"You are too idealistic"
So I was told. That's ok. Im just surprised that I am characterized as such not by a few people who know me well, but by those who don't know me well. In other words, I am idealistic enough for people to gossip about.
It must be a very distinguished characteristic of mine then.
But if someday I am told I am aimless, passionless, and not faithful to the values I once chose to live my life by, I will be very dissapointed at myself.
When I was 13, the first time I became aware of idealism was when my sister introduced her boyfriend to me (now her husband). I clearly remember writing down in my diary that day: "I don't like that guy because he doesn't have any passion or goal. I will never be attracted to a guy like that. A human must have ideals to live by."
I never know why I am so drawn to religion, even though I don't practice any, don't put my faith in any supernatural figure and don't listen to fortune-tellers. But since I was young, I have always thought of the meaning of my existence, why am I here, and very often get despaired after coming to the conclusion that I will disappear some day, the whole existence of the human race and the Earth will vanish some day, with no clues left. It seems so pointless to live, I told myself, probably in elementary school, if not kinder garden.
I tend to destruction, and death. It doesn't mean I contend suicide or anything, it's just the whole contemplation about living and dying always stays in the back of my head, never really goes away. I guess that's why I have always been unconsciously interested in religion, because it is the only system that deals with deepest meaning and unanswerable questions about life and the living.
So if I can't choose to live or to die, and life is a gift, I choose to live my life with values, beliefs and faiths, which makes me an idealistic, but I'd rather do that than content myself with a colourless existence
I think you should make it clear whether you want to belong to academia or industry. If you choose to be an academic, then stick to your ideals - be firm. And you should be really proud of that because not many people dare to have any ideals.
However, if you want to see yourself as a practical person, then you'll need to sacrifice some, not all, of your ideals. When we tap into reality, we'll automatically be asked to be less idealistic.
I'm somehow disappointed with myself now because I've tried to actualize my ideals and haven't succeeded.