Life decision
1. So I've made a life decision, probably one of the biggest commitment I could ever walk into. Im always afraid of commitment, because I don't like the prospect that I can't leave something once Im fed up with it. Imagine starting something which may never end.
But on the other hand, I've come to a conclusion that all decisions bring certain risks, and we can't avoid making decisions just because there are risks that the decisions may turn out wrong. It's like you don't want to go out because you might get into an accident. There is always a chance of accident, of dying actually, any moment, but you can't stop living even if you are afraid.
These thoughts ran in my mind when I was walking in a cemetery this afternoon. Warm sunshine, caressing breeze, twittering birds and reading names of dead people and the year they died makes me think about life, death, risks and decisions. Well, that's me at 25 years old.
Thinking back, I have always been left on my own to make the big decisions in my life, and Im thankful to my family for that. I wasn't brought up by middle-class, professional parents, but somehow mine never really interfere with what I choose to do, even though most of the time I have no clue what Im getting into. Like when I went to Canada for the first time, I had no idea whatsoever, and my parents let me go, just like that. I went to Canada the second time, I still didn't have many ideas what I wanted or would do. And now this.
Well, somehow things have always turned out ok, or at least I try to think so. Im grateful that life has treated me well, and I often feel fortunate to have done what I have done (is that a sign of age?).
2. And Im working on my thesis. With the books I have read so far on the topic, I already feel like I know what people will say when I interview them. I don't know how researchers can sustain enough interest in some topics to study the same thing over the course of their lives.
3. Do I know what I want? What I hope to achieve in life? Probably not. Right now I am content with living with short-term goals and tasks, rather than stressing myself out over what will happen in 20 years from now. Who knows? And who cares anyway? A human life is too small and insignificant, why freak out about small things which in the end will vanish like dust?
I was thinking dinosaurs could once be smart, civilized and all sorts of things. All it takes was one meteorite and they were wiped away. The same thing could happen to humans, and whatever species dominate the Earth after us will dig out some bones and try to speculate how the Earth used to look like. And they might never know there was one girl typing these lines about such scenario. So why bothers too much?
But on the other hand, I've come to a conclusion that all decisions bring certain risks, and we can't avoid making decisions just because there are risks that the decisions may turn out wrong. It's like you don't want to go out because you might get into an accident. There is always a chance of accident, of dying actually, any moment, but you can't stop living even if you are afraid.
These thoughts ran in my mind when I was walking in a cemetery this afternoon. Warm sunshine, caressing breeze, twittering birds and reading names of dead people and the year they died makes me think about life, death, risks and decisions. Well, that's me at 25 years old.
Thinking back, I have always been left on my own to make the big decisions in my life, and Im thankful to my family for that. I wasn't brought up by middle-class, professional parents, but somehow mine never really interfere with what I choose to do, even though most of the time I have no clue what Im getting into. Like when I went to Canada for the first time, I had no idea whatsoever, and my parents let me go, just like that. I went to Canada the second time, I still didn't have many ideas what I wanted or would do. And now this.
Well, somehow things have always turned out ok, or at least I try to think so. Im grateful that life has treated me well, and I often feel fortunate to have done what I have done (is that a sign of age?).
2. And Im working on my thesis. With the books I have read so far on the topic, I already feel like I know what people will say when I interview them. I don't know how researchers can sustain enough interest in some topics to study the same thing over the course of their lives.
3. Do I know what I want? What I hope to achieve in life? Probably not. Right now I am content with living with short-term goals and tasks, rather than stressing myself out over what will happen in 20 years from now. Who knows? And who cares anyway? A human life is too small and insignificant, why freak out about small things which in the end will vanish like dust?
I was thinking dinosaurs could once be smart, civilized and all sorts of things. All it takes was one meteorite and they were wiped away. The same thing could happen to humans, and whatever species dominate the Earth after us will dig out some bones and try to speculate how the Earth used to look like. And they might never know there was one girl typing these lines about such scenario. So why bothers too much?
